Sexually related words have always been the bastard children of the English language. Granted, most of them are kept a secret for good reason. But even the less controversial terms still seem to get a bad rap.
Utter the words “vagina” and “penis” to a class of 5th graders, and it’s like you’ve just told the funniest joke they’ve ever heard. You could probably get a chuckle out of a fair amount of adults too.
You can’t even say the word “sex” too loud for fear that someone will think you some sort of social deviant. And saying it in front of “the children” might be punishable by death.
If you’ve seen the
Sex and the City movie, Kristin Davis’ character Charlotte asks her friends to discuss sex using the code word “coloring” in front of her four year old daughter Lily. And sure, while no mom would really want to hear a detailed account of the character Samantha’s escapades, it's pretty odd, and all too common, that the word “sex” is completely off limits to children.
While every household is different, it seems that many parents are still stuck on the use of “baby” words to describe everything from body parts to bodily functions to the “dirty deed” itself. Baby talk isn’t a new invention, but it seems that 21st Century parents have honed their skills, perhaps thanks to the development and evolution of the English language, which is great if you’re talking about your vagina with your spouse, but probably not the best choice when you’re talking to your kids.
It’s 2009. You’re supposed to be sexually liberated, or at least somewhat more comfortable with sex than your parents were. So why are you not using the correct terms for his body parts?
It’s one thing for a 2 month old to take a “tinkle” out of his “wee wee,” but when you’ve got preschoolers speaking in code, it does nothing but perpetuate the belief that sex and everything related to it isn’t something that should be discussed at all, or at least, in any way that someone other than their immediate family members and perhaps a Martian could understand.
“Johnny. You stop grabbing your ‘mm-hm’ right this instant. Do you have to go ‘tee-tee’ or the other ‘errherm’ *opens eyes wide, knowing look*.”
Of course, sounding like you’ve boarded the crazy train when you’re talking to your elementary aged kid about going to the bathroom is a smaller issue compared to the implications it has on your willingness to talk about sex with your kids. If you can’t even say the words, you probably aren’t running to your kids to engage in a conversation about sex when you probably should.
They’ll have plenty of time to
make up hilarious and sometimes offensive words for their own body parts and for the actual act of sex. Heck, they’ve got whole sections of movies, even long (and very funny) outtakes, like the ones at the end of
Grumpy Old Men that are all about alternative ways to describe sexual organs and doing it.
But you probably don’t want your kids headed off to school, the breeding ground for goofy misconceptions about sex, without a clear knowledge of what lies in their pants and what happens when those parts meet – you know, when they’re 25 and in a committed and loving relationship.
Ahem.
And you don’t want your kid coming home talking to you about “sex,” “penises,” and “vaginas” courtesy of his well-informed peers. Because then you start to lose any ability to control the message your kids are getting.
That doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t be discreet when it comes to talking about your own sex life. While the thought of your kids having a vomitous reaction to the word “sex” isn’t a completely terrible idea, you have a right to maintain some level of privacy, if only so your kids don’t go telling everyone how much sex you’re having.
But privacy doesn’t mean you never discuss it. And private parts don’t mean they aren’t ever a topic of discussion. Using the correct words can actually help empower your kids.
And really, make you sound like a regular person and not a baby talking idiot.
